...and a very Merry Christmas...and a Happy New Year...

Thank you to all of the men and women and animals that have served this country.


Thank you to all of the men and women and animals that have served their countries. 


Passion and purpose keep the world spinning round.  


Let's work on educating those kiddos and hope they can understand that fears are just thoughts.  Except mini shorts.  Be afraid of mini shorts.

Around The World in 87 Minutes

F*%k It List - Top Ten

10. Let the dog eat the spoonful of ice cream that fell on the kitchen floor? - OK.

9. [In an office email blast:] "Free tickets to my roommate's Fringe Festival show this weekend!" - why not?

8. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? - [KEEeeerrRRaaack].

7. You have $40 left in your account until payday.  Suede shoes and it starts to rain. Subway? - Taxi!

6. Snooze or Shower? - Yes.

5. "Wanna help me move?" - It's good karma.

4. Give the dancing guy outside of the Starbucks a high five when he raises his arm for one. - You have Purell in your purse.

3. "Wanna see something reeallly scary?!" - Yup.

2. [At the register:] "Would you like to donate $1 to help prevent breast cancer?" - say yes.

1. Buy a first-class upgrade on a red-eye international flight. - Take pictures.

Big Bang Buddha

Opposites are the equal differences between TWO nouns.  TWO.  If we adjust our American textbooks to teach only TWO theories of how-we-all-came-to-be and present them as dueling ideas, it categorically defines them as equal, and opposite.  Light or dark.  Left or Right.  In or out.  Absolut or Grey Goose.

How-we-all-came-to-be seems to have happened so long ago that either we forgot, we evolved, or we didn't have anything to do with it.  OR...we can fill in the blank with many other theories.  THEORIES that are communicated by words with varying meanings, metaphors and euphemisms.   Tom Cruise - the actor - can proselytize about one that supposedly comes from science.

Ideas that become theories that become written down in books have been written down by humans.  All ideas.  --->  Humans publish and distribute those books.  All books.  --->   These books can be written in many languages, colloquialisms, eras, then read and interpreted and adopted by other mediums.  All mediums.  --->    These mediums are means of communication...between humans.  All humans.   =   Ideas come from humans.  All humans. 

Except maybe Michele Bachmann.

How can there be only two THEORIES of ANYTHING?

Expert Advice

Go here to shop: http://www.housingworks.org/. 

If you sign up for a memebership they can accept direct-pay donations every month. You get bonus discounts [i.e., %25-Off Sundays for Members in August!] AND you get to feel like you are doing something good for others... when really all you did was type your name and bank info in once while you sat at work and pretended to be dutifully proofing the spreadsheet you promised your boss you'd have ready by the end of the day. 

Click send.  Run to the bathroom and wipe your lipstick off your tie.

Throw Stones at the Man in the Mirror

Honesty is the best policy. NOT transparency. 

We don't need to know the contents of your suitcase but if we could see you had a carry-on it would make us like you more.

Pick out a vintage Vuitton.  Take pride in your things and don't be afraid that you may have to check it if it's too heavy.  There's plenty of room.

As long as you show us it's yours and you didn't leave it unattended we can trust you.

Otherwise, that s*%t falling out of your pockets and trash stuffed in layers of grocery bags under your coat, frankly, makes you look fat and homeless.

We will respect you more if you own your stuff.  We don't like surprise bouquets of things the Salvation Army would throw out.  Clean out your closets girl.  You don't even know what's in there.

P-touch label makers are on sale at Staples.

Work Orders Request

User Name:  Jose los Peces

Department:  pescado

Division:  escuela

Extention:  N/A

Request Date:  en curso

Request For [please select area]:  planeta

Notes:  Por favor, limpiar el derrame de petróleo lo antes posible.  Puede ser un peligro para los demás.

Due Date [select one]:  urgente

Rebel With Claws

I survive in Manhattan.  Currently, Monday through Friday, nine to five, I exit my apartment, kittywalk down the sidewalk, get on the concrete and steel subway, get off in an iron and cement tunnel, climb metal and synthetic stairs into a man-made building and sit in a man-made cubicle.  Then the reverse.

I have poison oak on my legs and I can't remember the last time I saw a tree.

Mother Nature has gone Kelly Osbourne.  Plastic and a little itchy. 

For Pussies

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Emma Lazarus, 1883

Interpreting the Law

Being Gay should be a religion and being Muslim should become a sexual orientation.
  
Maybe then we can be America.